Yesterday I had a long and gruelling day.
The Friday before a long weekend is always chaotic as everyone tries to make sure that every patient is safeguarded through inherent lower resources over the next few days. People want to cross every "t" before being away and the on call person for the hospital often gets extra calls/jobs because of this. That is coupled with the fact that our residents have their academic half day on Friday afternoon putting more pressure on the remaining staff. Usually that works fine and the attending doctors pick up their pace until the residents return but on a day where everything converges it means working at a superhuman level.
That was yesterday.
Despite the exhaustion of yesterday's call shift I find waking up post-call I have overwhelming feelings of gratitude.
I am grateful that despite all the demands on me for my job that I have the resources to help people. Say what you will about our current health care system (and there is lots to say) but if someone needs an ultrasound I can get it. If they need to be admitted for pain control we can get that for them. If they need life-saving surgery we have the resources at our disposal. I think of how much harder a demanding day would be if I had to look at patients knowing what they need and not being able to provide it. For people who work in remote communities and in the Third World that part of your job must be excruciating and takes a personal fortitude I admire.
I am so grateful for my colleagues. There were countless times yesterday where I was humbled by the sheer caring of the people I work with; for the patients, but also for me. One of our senior obstetricians stayed all afternoon on the Friday before a long weekend because he knew I had a difficult delivery awaiting me and wanted to be around 'just in case'. This same person comes to the labour floor every morning and is the exact person I want to recount my adventures and decisions to. He patiently sits and offers reassurance and advice. One of the patients last night innocently thought he was my dad and sometimes in my job he is certainly paternal in his support of me. The other obstetrician on call came to help when I was getting so slammed and couldn't physically do everything at once. She came without hesitation and helped me weather the relentless waves of responsibility. She then went above and beyond and helped me with planning the mountain of inductions (a job for the on call obstetrician and arduous at the best of times) so that I didn't have to do it in the morning. "Let's do this together" is one of the nicest things to say to someone. The labour floor nurses met me with countless hugs and tried to shove some food into me on the fly like the mamas that they are. The antepartum nurses are amazing often having to hold down the fort when we can't leave the onslaught of the labour floor. I cannot say enough to convey the unbelievable kindness of the nurses I work with. They always remind me to change my pants when I have blood on them (which is almost always). They wipe blood off my arms and face. They constantly worry about bothering me when I know they are working just as hard with whatever task they are assigned. The hugs they give me when I have to do or have done something incredibly hard sustain me and help me to keep going. Their funny antics and laughter make coming to work a joy - even on the hard days. The person coming on call this morning texted me 15 minutes before arriving "Do you want a latte?" Little thoughtful gestures are what make life wonderful.
In conclusion I am so grateful to the patients. They knew we were busy and trying our best and they acknowledged that. The thankfulness from women and families was so true and honest I felt myself trying to wiggle out from underneath it. I wanted to give each patient more attention than I could but I am going to try to practice good self-care and remind myself that everyone did well and that is all that matters. I was constantly reminded yesterday of the strength of the women I serve. My voice half-broke acknowledging the unbelievable power of a woman that did everything I asked of her and used everything within her to deliver her baby. My favourite phrase of the book "The Red Tent" rang true "She was mighty to behold". There were many mighty women last night.
I woke up this afternoon with rested fatigue in my body and thankfulness in my heart. I don't think that more could be asked of a job - to work your body, mind and heart all at once. What a tremendous privilege.
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