The Beauty of Grey

 I had this really interesting interaction this week that is still mulling around in my head.  

One of my senior colleagues was inappropriate with me a few months ago.  His behaviour would have probably been appropriate 30 years ago and I actually feel most of it was unintentional but regardless it left me in a position to report it.  And I did.  I held no ill will towards him but I felt it was my duty to call out behaviour that was not right when I had all the power and privilege to do so.  The process was convoluted and honestly a bit ridiculous but in the end he was spoken to about it.  I chose to remain anonymous in my report because my identity did not matter - the behaviour change is what mattered. 

Cut to a few months later and I am speaking with him about an entirely separate issue.  We have this beautiful interaction discussing out passion for being "shit disturbers" and the importance of history and legacy and honouring our teachers and mentors.  He signs off his email before our call with "By the way I really admire what you are doing in your practice and teaching".  And then on our call together he again says "Amanda I really admire what you are doing...I am really proud of you." It was such a beautiful phone call and I was so happy to have that time to talk to him.  It meant a lot to me.  AND I am really proud of myself for reporting the behaviour so that I was open to receiving that interaction without resentment or bitterness.  

So much of life seems black and white right now and usually the truth lies somewhere snuggled in between.  Most people are not all good or all bad.  Your teachers can do something wrong and still be so kind and meaningful in your life.  What a gift to say aloud to someone how proud you are of them.  As the snow melts this morning and all the snowhills around me turn to grey with the power of spring I am reminded of how beautiful grey really can be.