Grandpa's Funeral

We said goodbye to my definition of the "best man" (Note: Keith is a close second and my dad is pretty great too).  Nonetheless, my grandpa was the man I compared all men to.  It's hard when the immortal in your mind succumb to their mortality.

My parents, Emily and I flew in the day before the funeral to get things ready. I had the music and we had to ensure that the technology of the seemingly stuck in time Mennonite church would be compatible with all my Apple gear.  We met the pastor of the church who I have known since we were young at camp and who we have met with as each of my grandparents have passed over the last few years.  He had gone to see my grandfather the day he died and although Grandpa struggled for words under his dementia and delirium he managed an "Amen" for Pastor Brown.

We finally figured the technology (it took a bit of work) and went back to the hotel.  I had shown my parents the slideshow before we went to the church. They both liked it which was a relief because it's hard to do something so personal on behalf of your family. My mom loved the songs too which seemed to fit perfectly in my 2am decision-making stupor but were still meaningful for her in the light of the day.  My brother came that night and watched it and my grandpa's tag phrase "well there you go" is written at the end and my brother burst into tears. The grief comes in waves.

The next morning we met up with family over breakfast and got ready for the graveside.  My "baby cousins" and I had only seen each other 3 weeks ago and this was far different circumstances.  The tears bubbled up and wouldn't be denied.  I met my cousin Kelly's boyfriend Kyle and went to shake his hand and he hugged me.  I told him that I had been waiting to meet him - he was the sunshine of my day.  Emily and I had a big talk about how she had to be quiet at the graveside.  Her tante Betty gave her a flower and she was very good.  She was quiet for the prayers and put her gerbera daisy on the casket in her bobby socks and Mary Jane shoes.  I told Em to go and hug Uncle Brandon's hand and she went up to him and said "Boo!"  I promptly shushed her but then realized that is exactly what my grandpa would have said. There in the hot midday sun I stood arm in arm with my Aunt Betty and at the same time we said how Grandpa would have loved that sunny day - he would have been outside not wearing a shirt.  Great minds think alike and speak aloud at the same time.

We had a quick trip to Starbucks before the church service.  Emily entertained with her strawberry milkshake and her singing and giggles.  Before we headed to the church I walked her around the pond behind the hotel.  A middle-aged Aboriginal lady asked the time and since my cell phone was at the church for the music it was the first time I hadn't known in a really long time.  Lily talked to Emily and asked her how she was and Emily went and held her hand for a minute.  The man sitting with Lily asked how "mom" (that's me) was doing because "they cared about mom too"  - it was so reminiscent of the walks I used to make with my grandfather.  People would always come up to him and talk about anything and soon it felt like they had known each other forever.  Everyone was a friend for Grandpa - just waiting to be discovered. 

The music at the church wasn't the orchestra I would have wanted for him but it was the familiar songs that he would have played loudly on the record player.  We walked in to "Shall we gather at the River" and I can hear him singing it.  Aunty Betty went first with the Eulogy. She referenced how my grandpa used to always have a quote when he would write cards to us and he did.  I treasured those cards and the thoughtfulness he put into the words he chose.  Bets settled on Winnie-the-Pooh and friends to help weave her story about the man my grandfather was.  She talked about how he was a wealthy man - not in money perhaps but in all the ways that truly count.  I think of how some of my medical colleagues talk about how they can't afford things and I am baffled that I had a childhood where I felt like I wanted for nothing on a far more meager salary in my grandparents' home.  She talked about his faith, his work ethic, his love of music and his gratitude.  That he certainly has instilled in all of us - we can credit him for that.  How thankful he was for everything he had here in Canada, all the people he met, the food on his table and the faith in his heart.  Bets did such a good job or representing what Grandpa meant to her and in turn what he meant to all of us.  My dad read a piece that he had written a few months ago about my Grandpa and how he was preparing for his chapter beyond this life.  It centred around the hymn Blessed Assurance which we sang subsequent to that and all of us were holding hands and bawling.  The soprano just couldn't do it on that one - the music caught in my throat. 

My cousin Syd, who seems to have grown up suddenly into a man and a dad, read my grandpa's favourite scripture reading and we all watched the slideshow together, again in tears.  My second cousins on my Grandpa's side laughed about how my aunties on my grandma's side cooed at my grandpa's picture from younger days but you can't blame them - he was a looker.  At the end the pastor spoke and shared some personal stories about Grandpa where he also got choked up and had a hard time getting his words out too.  That is how beloved my grandfather was - not just by his family but by everyone that knew him.  The pastors words meant a lot to all of us.   

After the service we had some refreshments downstairs at Eden church which feels the same as when I was a little girl.  My dad's siblings had come to pay their respects as well as other people I had meant through a lifetime of loving my grandparents - neighbours, fellow residents at the senior estates, quilters, church workers and extended family.  It was nice to be around people who knew what a gem of a person we had lost.  After the service Emily was so hyper after hours of being quiet (and she did it - Hallelujah!)  She ran around the hall downstairs and my second cousin lifted her high to touch the ceiling just like I remember his dad doing to us when we were small.  Kyle (Kelly's boyfriend) dared Emily to get a pickle from the kitchen after they were put away and darned if she wasn't all up for a dare (she nailed it - did I mention this Kyle guy seems great).  She then helped the old guys stack the chairs and rolled each circular table to its place with a different Henry at Eden but I felt the Henry I knew smiling in approval - cleaning up after services like that was often his job and seeing Emily take that torch with such gusto was very heartwarming.   

We went back to the hotel exhausted and ate in a haphazard grazing-type fashion at the hotel restaurant and they lovingly accomodated us.  It was nice to be together after such an exhausting heart-heavy day.  Even though we don't see each other often it was nice to so easily take comfort in each other.  That is again the legacy of love that my grandparents left.  Despite all the hardship that they saw in their life they poured love into us til our cups runneth over.    How blessed I was to love them both so much and be loved so completely.  How thankful I am for having them in my life, for having them at my wedding, for their love of my husband, for their cuddles of my children.  How brave they were to take the lives that were handed them and mould it into something so beautiful and kind and generous.  I have a different knowledge of grief now as I have had such a loss in my life - but how lucky I am to feel this loss because I was loved and loved so much.

Grandpa's Memorial