International Women's Day

I hate International Women's Day. It feels patronizing to have a day dedicated to half the world's population. I hate that it's pink and floral and doesn't seem to do anything to advance the fight of gender equity. Some people think that it's because the fight for gender equality is old news. That after "Me Too" and "Time's Up" that we have "arrived". This is particularly stark in contrast to the week I have had leading up to today, International Women's Day. Within this last week I have had several experiences which highlight all the ways in which the journey ahead is LONG. I did a surgical case in the middle of the night this week after a young person endured pain for days in which a similiar diagnosis in a boy would be diagnosed within hours. She suffered so long that her situation was dire when she got to me. I performed her operation and there is no billing code for what I did despite there being one for the equivalent operation in boys that is well remunerated despite it technically being an easier operation. This discrepency has been pointed out numerous times but is yet to be rectified. I operated on a different day last week with a female colleague. We complimented the male scrub nurse on his use of inclusive language when talking about partners and his care for providing a safe space for transgender patients. He, however, did not hear my female assistant numerous times when she asked for equipment over and over again. He was afronted by the fact that we said numerous male partners in both of our practices refused to get vasectomies and that we should be careful as "not all men" are like that. This is not what we said and we are both experts in the field of contraception. When I put one of my patients in position for surgery and got everything ready myself he thanked me for doing all the preoperative jobs. I said I was independent and he said that "some would say independeptn and some would say an overly strong sense of self-importance". I am used to men who are intimiated by me talking to me in this manner but I can guarantee a male surgeon would not be talked to this way. There is no use in reporting this person as I will be told I need to get a "sense of humour" even though anyone who knows me knows I already have a pretty great one. I did some planning for my daughter's 9th birthday this week. She has had a growth spurt and soon her body will start to change. She is 5 years out from the age I was when someone yelled out a car window to my dad "I want to f*&k your daughter." I was 14 and wearing baggy clothes and a baseball cap. I've started to think how I am going to help her navigate that and I hate that I have to start thinking about that and other mothers have to start even earlier than I do. The moral injury that has happened to physicians over the pandemic is very real. We are not providing the care we want to because of the situation we are living in. This affects all of medicine in various ways. We often cope by talking to each other. In the last week I have had two uncomfortable conversations where I have brought up how the pandemic has affected our most vulnerable girls and even my colleagues don't want to hear about it. It's too painful. It's too much. But hiding it and not talking about it doesn't mean the problems of our most vulnerable patients are going away. Relegating these problems to the shadows doesn't help - I know it's because people don't want to look at it - but these problems are very real and only likely to get worse. These girls feel abandoned. I sat with a new mama who's boyfriend couldn't handle the stress of a new baby and bailed. That story, unfortunately, is an all too familiar one. I have had multiple conversations with female colleagues this past week who fight for their place in our system. Battling imposter system in the OR and in the lecture hall (or Zoom now). Who think they aren't good enough despite being leaders in their field. We see our colleagues even ones younger than us get more opportunity with less effort. The change is slow and we are told to be patient and thankful because it's "better than it used to be". That's one week and that's not even all of my examples. I want change. I want real, meaningful change. I want people to stop telling me that I should be grateful that we've come so far. I want male allies that step up, EVERY time to fight against the misogyny that is evident everyday. I want people to stop feeling bad for my husband when I talk about feminism - my husband is an ally, and an advocate and our marriage is wonderful and none of your business. I want my daughter and my sons to have to deal with none of the shit I am trying to fight against now. I don't want to make it a little better - I want to make it A LOT better. I don't need a Women's Day thank you very much - I see the incredible power and achievement of women EVERY day. I want CHANGE.