215

I'm sitting out here on my back porch with 3 sets of kid shoes on my front porch. They have been out there for 3 days. This is to commemorate the discovery of the bodies of 215 Indigenous children at the Kamloops Residential School. I have talked to my kids about what happened. We have looked at the Truth and Reconciliation Commission 94 calls to action. We have painted and sat together as a family. I have talked to colleagues and friends. I attended an anti-Indigenous racism talk at lunch today with an incredible speaker. I am just...gutted. 

 These are not my stories and I don't pretend that they are. I want to hold space to hear the stories of my Indigenous neighbours and colleagues and to hear their anger and grief. I have been amazed at their ability to keep moving forward, to keep trying to be seen as equal in the eyes of the government, to be given basic rights. 

I put Sam to bed today and he asked me to get under the covers with him and cuddle. He grabbed my face and his stuffed bunny and cuddled right up to me with that big infectious smile and I just started sobbing. The youngest victim was three. I bet they wanted their mama too. I'm sobbing again just thinking about this - they were babies. 

I biked home today and there are red dresses waving in the breeze in the front yard and orange toddler T-shirts in the window with 215 written on them. This is my neighborhood. 

Sometimes I am so devastated that nothing is changing. I talk about anti-Indigenous racism or post about residential schools and people avoid the topic and don't engage. The national consciencious seems to have moved on and I don't know how that's even possible when there is straightforward tangible things we can do: ask the Pope to apologize, stop stealing babies from their mothers (even now!), rename our streets that are named after colonial settlers that profitted from residential schools. Our Indigenous leaders are working so hard and it feels like it falls on deaf ears. 

But...I reposted a story of how Mennonites were complicit in residential schools and it was shared by my cousin in BC which surprised me. None of my Mennonite friends disagreed or defended our culture. Maybe we are slowly working on truth-telling. Academia and Medicine have SUCH a long way to go. It feels insurmountable but I will keep working and lifting up the voices of my Indigenous colleagues. I'm proud that our kids go to school where they talk about Jordan's Principle and Orange Shirt Day and encourage processing emotion through art and learning about the Truth and Reconciliation Commission.

Tonight though, I will weep for the mamas who didn't get to hold the babies that were stolen from them. I hope other settler mothers are feeling this as deeply as me and that our grief, love and support surrounds Indigenous mothers in this country and embodies the sentiment that EVERY CHILD MATTERS. May that propel us to honestly work for truth and reconciliation - even if it's sad and hard and uncomfortable because it is so very necessary. 

 JUSTICE.