Ovarian Cancer Walk

Last weekend our family walked in the 2016 Ovarian Cancer Walk of Hope.  We did this in honour of my grandmother, Annie Braun, who died of high-grade serous ovarian cancer in 2013.  I have been wanting to do this for a while but the stars aligned this year to allow us to take part in this amazing day.
Our team was named "Annie's Roses" in honour of my grandmother and her amazing garden.  If you never had the pleasure of visiting their house on Fern Street it was an oasis in the middle of suburban Chilliwack.  Perfect hedges and roses in the front garden and a half acre plot of vegetables, fruit and flowers in the backyard.  I spent so much of my childhood sitting on my little bench having teatime with my grandparents there, in our own little secret garden.  That bench now sits in my living room, a reminder of the garden of love they planted deep in my heart (as my own children jump all over it hopefully planting seeds in their hearts as well).
Often if you came to visit that house on Fern Street my grandmother would send you home with a perfect rose in full bloom from the front garden.  Her love language was always taking care of others usually with food or flowers.
With that knowledge I decided to name our team "Annie's Roses".  We had generous donations from friends and family for a very important cause as ovarian cancer is often diagnosed late and currently there is no screening test.  My grandmother also suffered greatly at the end and my hope would be that no one else would have to endure that.  Also professionally I have had a number of patients with ovarian cancer both in my paediatric and adult practice and more research would be so helpful in diagnosing and treating this disease. So in memory of her and in honour of the women that would battle ovarian cancer after her we decided to walk.
I pre-registered our team the day before and wrote our team name on our family T-shirts.  I bought yellow roses with pink edges that I always associate with my grandma.  There was only one bundle at the store and those were ours.  They bloomed perfectly for the next day.
We arrived at Rainbow Stage and our friends and colleagues were already there.  Two nurses from Women's Hospital have been organizing this even since they lost their mom to ovarian cancer in 2000 and they do an amazing job.  There was face-painting and snacks and temporary tattoos and balloons and the kids were in heaven.  We had brought the wagon and decorated it with the vase of roses and pictures of my grandma in her garden.
It was a beautiful day to walk and we walked through beautiful gardens on a warm September day.  Keith pulled the wagon wearing a white feather boa (I have a beautiful picture of my grandma wearing one on her 80th birthday) like the good sport that he is.
When we arrived back after the walk I decided the roses were in such perfect bloom that I would give them away for others to enjoy just as she would have done.
When I walked back into Rainbow Stage I saw a woman walking towards me with a beautiful bald head.  She was clearly recently in treatment.  I had noticed her throughout the day but as she walked closer I recognized who she was and smiled.  She walked up to me and said "I have been trying to place you as I kept telling myself "I know this girl!"".  I smiled and said "I am your doctor." (it's hard to recognize your doctor out of context in sportswear and a yellow flower in her hair).  She gasped, grabbed me, hugged me and started weeping.  She held me there for a long time crying with me trying not to cry.  She held me so long in fact that Cian thought she was a good friend and the kind heart that he is he gave her a big hug from behind.  As she leaned back her face red from crying she said "You saved my life."  My heart was full to overflowing.  I may not have been able to save my grandma but this amazing woman had a family that loved her too and she was going to make it. I gave her one of grandma's roses and she asked her husband to take our picture together.  On my hard days as a doctor that will be one of the moments I come back to.
I handed out the rest of the roses to volunteers at the walk, a lot of whom I work with at Women's hospital, and survivors who were conveniently wearing teal T-shirts to help identify them.  Everyone's faces lit up when they unexpectedly got a flower from a total stranger honouring them and honouring my grandma as our family's story touches a little closer to home for families affected by ovarian cancer.
It was a beautiful day inside our hearts and out in the beautiful autumn air.  I would have loved to have shared it with my grandma.  She would have laughed at the crazy antics of the kids and probably found herself most comfortable behind the food counters with my nursing friends.  How I wished I lived closer to my mom and my aunt who I'm sure would have loved being on our team to share the day with us.  I am so lucky to live in a family that was tended to so lovingly by my grandparents - all the beautiful things that we do spring from the love you taught us.

R.I.P. Prince

This week we lost an incredible musician and someone who's music has had a big impact on my life.

What I loved about Prince (and what a lot of people loved about him) is that he didn't seem to care what people thought.  He was 5'2'' and a lot of men would have been self conscious about that height but he seemed to transcend his physical form despite his physicality and his sexuality being such a big part of his musicality.

One of my favourite Ani diFranco songs is her duet with Prince called "Providence".  It was on endless repeat in University and even though Prince was such a huge star I always thought it was cool that he jammed with a folk artist on a song that you would only know he did if you were an Ani fan.

Providence - Ani and Prince

After University when I went to Malawi I was feeling a bit homesick and a bit visible as my 5'10'' blonde self and was in a local second-hand clothing store in Salima and found a raspberry-coloured beret.  Despite the 30+ degree heat I bought that beret and wore it around town (usually in slightly cooler weather) trying to channel my inner Prince-level personal strength.

Raspberry Beret - Prince

I can't imagine my high school or college years without "Kiss", "Cream" or "Gett Off".  His songs were so loved but often people didn't talk about their love for him or his music (maybe we all just assumed everyone loved him like the people on the train in the first video).  I appreciated his love of women and his unabashed love for feminine sexuality.  His songs were very sexual but in a way that celebrates women rather than reduces and objectifies them.  I appreciated how his collaboration and mentorship of other artists and if you haven't seen his influence check out the last video of Lenny Kravitz and Prince playing American Woman).

Kiss on the Train

Cream - Prince

When Doves Cry - Prince

Gett Off - Prince

1999 - Prince

American Woman - Lenny Kravitz and Prince

I wish we would have had him longer.  I wish I would have been able to see him live.  But mostly, I am so incredibly thankful that my formative years were shaped by his humble musical genius. Thank you Prince for helping me figure out who I am and for helping me find my courage.  I am one of the many people influenced by your brilliance.  Rest well.

The Plague

In March we had what has been referred to in our family as "the Plague".  Mine started on Emily's birthday and continued to worsen into the weekend.  I went to clinic so ill on Thursday that everyone (including my patients) looked at me with pity and the department head finally rescued me after her meetings.  I was febrile and rigoring in bed for 4 days.  That was worse than when I had malaria, Keith confirmed that as he was with me when I had malaria.  I had to give up my call shift on the labour floor that Sunday and answered colleagues questions from my home "hospital" bed.  Monday I went in to work to round on my patients and it was a slow and pitiful week of multiple medications to get through the day.  We left for our "vacation" on Thursday after clinic and when I got in the car to hit the road Cian didn't look right. By Brandon he looked downright sick and when we stopped in Regina he had a raging fever.  I had booked a hotel with a super fun waterpark and a room that overlooked it and he was so sick that he didn't fight me the next day when I said we couldn't go in the water.  He slept most of the way to Edmonton the next day after shivering at the breakfast table.  We got to Edmonton and quarantined ourselves at my parents.  Thank goodness the Easter bunny still came and the kids were able to enjoy the hunt for their baskets following the footprints that mommy and Uncle Brandon used to follow when they were younger too.  The adults even got to join in the fun with Opa's silly riddles to find their baskets.

After Cian it was Emily's turn.  She fell asleep on Omi and then on Mommy - something completely unheard of in her young years.  She was still sick on our way to Banff and the night before my talk at the conference I turned around to look at her and she was COVERED in blood.  She had coughed and sneezed so hard and that combined with the change in climate gave her a nosebleed.  I had to wake her up, call my mom to help, put her in the shower and call housekeeping to change the towels and sheets.  It was a major doctor mom disaster on both the doctor and mom fronts as I sort of freaked out about this little person that looked like "Carrie" asleep in the bed.

Outside of a couple short visits with people we basically stayed sick at my parents' place.  My poor parents who were about to go on their 40th anniversary trip and desperately tried to stay healthy while caring for us.  My ONLY visit outside of family was to see Devin and I was in the pub about an hour before I said I needed to lie down.  Thank goodness his apartment was close and he could bring me drugs, water, pillows and cold cloths and that way we could continue our chat.

I was sick for 2.5 (almost 3) weeks and the kids were only sick for a few days a piece and it was a big wake-up call for how fragile our health can be.  We are lucky to live in a place where we can safely recover from illness, where we have access to quality medical care if needed and loving people who will care for us when we aren't feeling well.  I am so tremendously grateful that we are all feeling better and that Keith (our Florence Nightingale) escaped it. I am also so thankful for the reminder about such important things that are easily taken for granted.

Em's First Dance Recital

Emily has been taking Irish dance since September every Monday night.  Keith took Irish dance as a kid and we thought it was a good way to connect her to her heritage and a nice introduction to dance since she likes music and dance so much.

St. Patrick's Day her dance school had the first show of the season.  She got her black bodysuit and shoes and green skirt and was ready for her performance.  I never did dance as a kid so this was a bit new for me but that didn't phase Emily at all as she was ready to PERFORM.

A couple days before her recital I started getting sick but after being in bed all day on the Friday I figured I was up for a couple hours of watching Irish dance.  It was a St. Patrick's day celebration after all.  Keith took her and Cian and I came later.  I then took Cian out to buy her some flowers because she wasn't due to perform yet.  She in fact was scheduled for 8pm (which was already past her bedtime) but they were on Irish time and didn't step on stage until 845pm.  I thought for sure there would be a meltdown but I (as usual) underestimated her.  She stepped on the stage and immediately went to centre stage, planted her one foot in front of her and put her hand up to her eye like a telescope to look for her family and then gave a big wave.  No fear with that kid.  I could hear the chuckles from the audience around me because she was very clearly the ham of the group.  She did all her moves with gusto.  (It's hard to see in the video but she is in the middle slightly behind the count).

After the performance they kept the kids backstage for an extended period of time changing back into their clothes.  We didn't get home until 10pm!  Cian said he wished he had brought his sleeping bag and I can't blame him.  It was so cute to see her up there but if that's what being a dance mom is like I'm not sure I'm up for it.  It's nice to see her enjoy part of her heritage and have a chance to be on stage but for now...onward to soccer season!

Emily's Inside Out Birthday

Emily turned 4 on March 15th and she would tell you she was very ready for this milestone.  Her best friend is 4 and she was excited to finally catch up.  The kids are big into their birthdays (and so is their mom) and Emily had decided she wanted to have an "Inside Out" birthday with Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger and Disgust (her favourite) all making an appearance.  

The big part of birthdays in our family is the birthday cake.  We like to look on the Pinterest pictures and decide what we're going to try and this particularly birthday I had clearly been overly ambitious the day I decided to try out the Inside Out birthday cake recipe we picked.  It involved making a white cake, deconstructing said cake, mixing new deconstructed cake with additional cake batter into several different colours (I bought a new colour mixing system from Michaels which is more intricate than my colour printer) and then piping (or in my case rolling into cake play dough snakes) different colour circles and then putting additional batter on top.  All to make the cake look like it has "memories" inside.  Then the outside had "memories" as well and the emotion dashboard was on the top of the cake.  It turned out really cute but it was hours of work and was a bit over the top.  Especially when I made cupcakes in addition to the cake.  Amateur mom moment: should have made way more Joy cupcakes because most of the girls wanted a Joy cupcake and no one really wanted a Fear cupcake (which is fair) - they all got eaten but I didn't need to make the counts even.  Anyway, cake and cupcakes squared away the night before.

Emily was so excited about her birthday because she had done all the inviting herself and had invited all the kids on our block plus our family friend Lizzy so she was stoked; so stoked she sat on the couch at 8am waiting for her party to start (which was starting at 2pm).  I had learned from Cian's birthday that planning activities was pointless and I was right.  Em's best friend Miah arrived first and they were off to create some magical pirate land in her bedroom and I saw none of the kids until it was time for food.  I had made Emily "islands" of crafts and food and soccer but the kids really just did their own thing.  The adults came in for a while and it truly felt like a block party.  None of us were watching the kids intently but were mostly hanging out in the kitchen having beers and chatting.  The families on our block is a major reason why we don't want to move - all the kids are great and get along well and their parents are lovely and everyone watches out for each other.  You may be able to buy a house but you can't buy a neighbourhood and ours is pretty great.

After the "kid" party some of our Winnipeg family came over for dinner just like what we did with Cian's "after-party".  Emily's favourite food is melted cheese sandwiches so Andrea brought her panini maker and we made gourmet make-you-own sandwiches which I would totally do again because they were delicious.  A wonderful time was had by all celebrating our crazy little 4 year old.

Emily, bundle of chaos and fun, we are so blessed to have you in our family.  You make our everyday life feel like a musical and there is never a dull moment.  I'm sure there is plenty more disgust and anger to come, probably fear too (although right now you seem fearless) and sadness is inevitable but overall you bring so, so, so much joy to our life.  Happy 4th birthday Em - we love you!  

Cian's 7th Birthday

This post is a little delayed but I wanted to write about Cian's 7th (yes 7th!) birthday.

Cian wanted a Ninjago birthday party.  Ninjago is the Lego ninja universe and my kids love it.   Birthday parties make me nervous.  I want them to be great for my kid but also the other kids and I worry that kids won't come and that my kid will be disappointed.  Basically, there's a lot of anxiety in my head about them and my kids are totally fine and just excited.  It's hilarious that I can do all these high stress things at work and then can freak over a childhood birthday party.

Since our house isn't completely ready from the longest renovations of all time we decided to have the birthday party outside of our house.  BEST. DECISION. EVER.  Cian invited a number of kids from his class and Keith had the daunting task of trying to slip invitations into their bags at school without making other kids not feel bad.  Cian would have invited everyone but that was a bit much for us. All but two of them could come (including 2 girls) and Cian was excited for weeks.  I had showed him the website for Kid City but he had never been and both Cian and Emily were VERY excited to go.

We got to Kid City and they prepped everything. It was a well-oiled machine and totally worth the money.  The party was for 3 hours and the kids ran around for almost all of that time.  Only stopping very briefly to eat and have some Ninjago cupcakes.  I got to interact with his friends while pouring juice and handing out pizza and they are all lovely kids.  It completely warmed my heart to see how fantastic these little humans are.  One of his friends was sick but wanted to come so much that he came for the last hour with his dad and Cian made sure that he was set up with juice and food and sat right beside him.  Basically these kids were great and it was amazing to see.  My anxiety evaporated and I loved watching them have so much fun.

After the kid party we had our Winnipeg "family" come over for a noodle making party.  I had made ninja headbands for the kids (they weren't that into them) and for the adults (who were psyched to wear them) and we set up our noodle bowls for dinner.  It was all topped off with the Lego ninja temple cake (not my best work but Cian liked it) and lots of hugs and laughter.

I can't believe my oldest "baby" is seven.  The time has gone so fast and despite the challenges he faces he is such a wonderful, kind and caring human being and I was truly touched to see that other kids can see that too.

Happy Birthday Ninja Cian!  Your ninja parents love you so very very much.

The Bow and Arrow

Cian has been saving money in a container on his beside table for the better part of a year.  The mission has never wavered : he wanted a bow and arrow.  He had saved his tooth fairy money and some money from odd jobs around the house and mostly he had cleverly followed his absent-minded father who often left piles of small change lying around.  The other day he professed to me with gleeful excitement that he was "so rich".

Yesterday, driving back from a party where the kids were well-behaved I told Cian that the following day, since he had enough money, he could go and purchase his bow and arrow.  His jaw actually dropped and then widened into a huge grin.

Last night he made sure his container of coins was right beside his head and the instant he woke up he ran to my side of the bed and asked if it was time to go to the store (it was 2 hours before the store opened).

We spent the morning lovingly separating every type of coin into piles and then counting each dollar, writing the numbers on the bags and ensuring every dollar was accounted for.  He had $28 dollars in coins (and probably only "earned" a few of them and had maybe $6 from lost teeth).  This means the remainder he got from lost coins which is amazing when you think about it  ($8 in dimes!) He inspired his sister to save now as she saw how much he had accumulated and she asked her dad for a piggybank so she could start saving too.

We headed to the store with Cian holding his bag of coins.  I got distracted a bit by games at the front of the store and he said to me "Mom remember why we came!"  He was a man on a mission.

We got the Nerf section and there were crazy expensive crossbows and some Zombie slayer guns and I was a little nervous.  He managed to find one lonely orange bow with 4 different kinds of soft arrows - the best option available after I looked at everything - and that was the one he wanted.  It was $24.99 and perfect.  He was sure in his choice and went up to the till and gave the man his money bags and purchased his bow. He had $3 extra which the man gave him back as his bag of nickels was exactly $3.  He was very proud and happy (and so was his mother).

On our way home I asked Cian what he was going to save for next since he had his leftover $3.  Without hesitation he said he was going to give it to Emily for her piggybank.  His kind heart filled mine to the brim.

We got home and Cian gave his extra money to Emily and said "Here Em it's your turn - this is for your piggybank".  She danced around, kissed his hand and shouted for joy like her brother had given her the moon.  He usually does.