MOCANADA 2018 (long post)

Our plan this summer was to drive west and see where the wind took us.  Sam was a bit of a wild card and we had the first week planned with WillMo cabin festivities but after that the world was our oyster - it turned out to be a bit of a prairie oyster and that suited us just fine.

The day before our adventure was to start we got the special treat of having Keith's cousin Jen and family stay at our house.  It was nice to see the six kids enjoy spending time together and I was glad our trips west and east got a chance to meet in the middle. 

We had scheduled WillMo cabin activities in Waskesiu this year.  It’s somewhat equidistant for the Schaapsher and us and it seemed like a good first stop.  We stayed at the Elkridge Resort in one of the cabins (with a couple days in one of their townhouses).  It’s a beautiful facility.  One of the things we were most looking forward to was the zipline adventure tours. Paul and I were keen to do the full course which was 8 ziplines through the forest.  There were mini zips for the kids and a climbing wall I was hoping Cian might be interested since he is such a good climber but up until now hadn’t been that interested in climbing a wall. We checked it out the first day and planned an adventure day later in the week.

We filled our time as always with good food, fun, boardgames, ukelele songs and Kraken.  We did pretty well this year even with 4 kids - the older 3 know each other pretty well now and Sam is a very easy going baby.

One of my favourite days was when we headed into the town of Waskesiu.  It was a rainy day so we thought we’d check out the town and the visitor information suggested the nature centre.  I was picturing a room with a couple of skeletons and a beaver pelt and thought it was going to be a let down but it was SO much fun.  We could barely drag Em and Cian away from the lake table where there were otter puppets, fish and a bear paw - there were many dramas enacted here.  There was a scavenger hunt, tree identification, there were tonnes of very interactive/kid friendly exhibits.  We loved dressing up as Canadian animals.  The pinnacle achievement was the puppet show that Paul and I put on at the front entrance puppet theatre.  I was the deer singing “High on a hill was a lonely deer herd” and Paul’s impromptu moose rendition of the subsequent yodel totally broke me.  Our encore piece was Oh Canada with an all Canadian animal cast.  It was glorious.

Paul and I did the Zipline tour and had a blast.  Our approaches were definitely different:  I was far more hesitant about things and he entered into each “zip” with reckless abandon. They had different challenges on the course and it was 2 hours of great fun.

During our adventures Keith and Cian challenged the 32 foot climbing wall and won.  They enjoyed it very much and I was glad to hear Cian excited about trying some indoor climbing as I know climbing is something he’s really good at.  A couple days later when visiting the mini ziplines Em had mulled the idea over enough in her mind and she too decided to try the climbing wall.  The pass is for unlimited climbs and she might have tested out that policy.  She climbed for over an hour and wore through 3 different spotters.  I’m not sure what’s in store for us with that girl when she’s conquered a climbing wall at 6.  

One of my other favourite days was traveling up to Missinipe.  We were as “close” to my old stomping grounds as I had been in over a decade and I was really interested in seeing Ric and CRCO.  We drove up there and barely made it out of the van before we were greeted by Ric eager to show us around town.  I got to see all the areas that had changed and all the things he was excited about. My kids jumped off the dock (it was so ridiculously hot) and saw the float planes and loved Ric and Theresa.  Em was mad I hadn’t taken her there earlier.  It was a wonderful day and such a reminder of how much I love the North and canoeing.  I even found one of my paintings hanging in the front of the canoe shed!

Our WillMo cabin adventure was a wonderful success and on the Sunday we headed on to Edmonton.  My mom got her birthday cake from Sugared and Spiced bakery and we enjoyed that when we arrived.  Our kids love it at Omi and Opa’s house as Em would say “because we’re so spoiled!”.  They are indeed spoiled - my mom makes lots of delicious food, pre-records all their favourite shows on TV (we don’t have cable at our house so it’s extra special) and they get to play in the big backyard with the waterfall that had an extra “chute” feature that Opa had made. On one of their adventures outside Cian went to take a picture of Em watering plants because I asked him too and got up on a bench for a better shot not knowing there was a wasp nest in the corner of the pergola.  Poor kiddo was stung three times - he recovered very well though.

When we got to Omi’s we made a plan of attack on our “MoCanada” tour.  Keith was interested in taking the kids to the Tyrell museum and then realized it was also Calgary Stampede which none of us had been to.  We booked one night in Strathmore an then headed South.  We drove down to Calgary in time for the rodeo and it was a spectacle.  The kids liked the cattle roping and I liked the barrel racing because I did it once at the Water Valley rodeo a lifetime ago.  It was great fun.  We then explored the fairgrounds trying to take in everything uniquely “Stampede”.  Keith even decided to get a cowboy hat !! (This was particularly interesting since he didn’t want to wear a plaid shirt but I guess he got into the festivities.) We went into the farm areas and the kids got squeezed into a cattle chute.  They fed and pet the chickens.  They also participated in human fooseball which wasn’t very “stampede” but was a heck of a lot of fun.  We had beef for supper and S’more bear balls (famcy mini-donuts) for snack.  There was way more than we could absorb in one day but we had a heck of a lot of fun.  We topped it off with a Lava whip (pineapple and strawberry ice cream treat).  

We spent the night in Strathmore and had a nice breakfast at the hotel.  It’s possible Cian ate 5 croissants at breakfast (I’m not sure we will be able to keep food in the house when he is a teenager).  The boys wore their dinosaur shirts and we headed out to Drumheller.  The Badlands of Alberta are beautiful.  I hadn’t seen them since I was a kid and I had forgotten how gorgeous they are - almost otherworldly.  We made it to Tyrell and explored the museum.  Cian wanted to wear Keith’s cowboy hat which was great cause we could find him anywhere when he was wearing that thing.  We love dinosaurs in our family and we learned a lot of new things.  I didn’t know that T-rex and Triceratops were the last dinosaurs alive in North America before extinction.  Cian didn’t know velociraptors were small and had feathers and he was initially not very happy about that fact because it did not coincide with his preconceived notions of velociraptors based on movies, TV and Lego video games.  Keith had an extended conversation with him about scientific evidence and the importance of expert opinion. 

After the museum we wanted to see the Hoodoos before heading back to Omi’s house.  It was still a very hot day but it was well worth the stop.  Before we had much of a chance to get our bearings Cian was almost all the way up to the top of the ridge.  Any opportunity to climb and he is game.  His sister wasn’t far behind him and Keith was a good sport and followed them up there since I had Sam in the carrier.  They loved climbing all over the cliffs and canyons as they love any chance to explore.  I’m happy they have fenced off the hoodoos so people can’t climb there.  I’m surprised we can even climb behind them but my kids certainly enjoyed that privilege.  We drove back to Omi’s after that in the most perfect summer evening on the prairie. 

Our time in Edmonton was spent with family and friends which is just the way we like it.  We got to spend an afternoon with the cousins hanging out with the sprinkler.  Keith and I saw our friends Chantal, Donald and Jo and Graeme who were visiting fro Vancouver.  We had a wonderful 14th anniversary movie date with our friends and saw Ant Man and the Wasp which was so so good. Em made fast friends with Deb’s daughter Rory during breakfast at High Level dinner and playing at the Garneau playground.  Sam and I had a beautiful summer evening with Devin downtown.  All the kids got to hang out with Auntie Rachel at Street Performer’s.  Auntie Sue and Woody were visiting from Kelowna and we got to see them and have dinner together and Sam got to meet his wonderful Auntie Sue for the first time.  We spent lots of time at Omi and Opa's house and planted Sam's tree to join the ones planted for his siblings. We even capped off the whole Edmonton experience with a day at WEM waterpark.  I feel a bit bad that we hadn’t taken them there before seeing as how we go to Edmonton at least once a year.  I realized that they had never even seen a wave pool so they were totally awestruck.  My mom had talked for months about renting a cabana and hanging out for the day and that was certainly a highlight.  The kids spent 7 hours at the pool with only the smallest break to slam down some food before heading back into the pool.  90% of their time was in the wave pool.  Cian was devastated when we had to leave and they begged to go back the next day.  Sooooooo it was kind of a parenting win/fail since he was 9 before he had ever been to a wave pool and I feel sort of bad about that - but we’ve corrected that now and I envision more trips to WEM in our future. 

So much fun at the Waterpark

Sam's tree

Generations of friends

Aunti Sue!

Auntie Rachel at Street Performers

14th "friend" anniversary

After all that adventure it was time to head home.  Em talked nonstop about Rory after their playdate so I figured out a way for them to see each other again and we crashed our friends camping trip in Crimson Lake for an afternoon/evening so the kids could play together.  That was a big success and it was really nice to see them all together. 

 We stayed that night in Rocky Mountain House and then headed out to Maple Creek, SK.  I had found an actual ranch where they taught kids how to brush, tackle and ride horses and the suggested ages were 6-9.  Most places ask that kids be 8 so finding something where Cian and Emily could do this together was a big deal.  I called ahead and talked to Scott who sounds like an authentic cowboy and he was very accommodation.  He booked the kids and me on the training session and then I had also wanted to do the cattle drive which was going to work out just fine as there were a couple guys there that also wanted to do it.  I was SOOOOOO stoked about doing a cattle drive for so many reasons one of which was that City Slickers is one of my favourite movies.  Scott said we could camp at the ranch since we didn’t have accommodation yet and that gave us a chance to try out our new 6 person family tent.  We arrived down the gravel road to Historic Reesor Ranch and it was truly an authentic cattle ranch.  I entered the office/mess hall and there were two women inside.  They had my information from Scott and said we could set up camp past the outside near the tractor in the field…we were literally in the front pasture land before the fence beside an old horse trailer and what appeared to be part of a combine. There was no table or specified spot or anything and I thought to myself “even my easygoing husband might think this is completely ridiculous for our first night tenting as a family with a baby” but to my happy surprise Keith will make anything work.  The ranch was beyond accommodating and they drove a picnic table out to the pasture for us to use. The nice bathroom with flush toilets was only a couple minute walk away.  We set up out new tent in the pasture nestled amongst the rolling hills of southern Saskatchewan and enjoyed the most beautiful evening with a warm breeze and a gorgeous sunset.  Scott and Teresa had such hospitality and we couldn’t have asked for a better evening together as a family. 

The next day the wind started to pick up but it could not extinguish our excited spirits as we waited to do some horseback riding at the ranch (Em of course expressed her excitement in song).  There were two wranglers that got Darby, Duchess and JB for us to ride.  This was not your typical trail riding establishment where all the horses are completely subdued.  The kids had to be careful to not spook their horses.  They learned how to walk around them carefully and how to brush them properly.  They put their blankets and saddles on and mounted them (via some stairs).  They learned how to steer and stop and got to ride around on their own.  I was a bit nervous I had forgotten how to ride but once I started brushing JB all the muscle memories kicked in.  There was a paddock that had obstacles in it and the kids got led around a bit but then were able to lead the horses on their own. We went over logs and up hills and through obstacles and they did amazingly well.  One of the ranch hands wanted to see if Duchess would go onto a platform and tried to lead her there but she got spooked and Cian amazingly kept his seat and didn’t freak out even though she spooked sideways.  It’s so interesting that Cian has this instinctive way of balancing in unstable situations - low brace in the bow of a canoe or sitting deeper into the saddle on a skittish horse - being his mom is interesting to say the least.  It was so amazing to ride horses with the two of them and for them to love it as much as I do.  They were convinced that after their hour on horseback that they were experienced enough to do the cattle drive with me as they just wanted to keep riding.  My biggest hope was that they would have a positive first experience riding and they certainly did have that. 

The wind had picked up even more by the end of our riding in the morning and our tent was starting to feel it.  We looked it up later and the winds were 53 km/h and our family tent was doing it’s best but I thought it was better to take it down so we didn’t stress the poles unnecessarily (one of the steel pegs already bent under the weight).  We ate lunch in the van due to the extreme winds which didn’t seem to bother any of us.  We decided that maybe we would mosey along after my cattle drive since the weather didn’t seem too conducive to camping and Keith and I took down the rest of camp before my cattle drive.  

The cattle drive was amazing.  It was like JB was my horse and I got to saddle him, hop on and out the paddock gates to the 500 acres the ranch owns.  Despite the wind it was stunningly beautiful to ride over the rolling hills and to see blue, green and yellow as far as the eye could see.  You had to be a more experienced rider for this trip so we jogged up to the ridge and went through small trails and valleys in search of cows.  The cows on the back pastures were moms with their calves. I chuckled to myself that I was still doing maternity postpartum rounds just in a very different way.  We found some cattle in the trees and coaxed them along the path.  The ranchers said it doesn’t usually take much for them to get in formation and that was certainly true - they lined up nicely and we guided them into the field.  As the sun shone down on the field there was literally a hawk making lazy circles in the sky. The little calves mooed defiantly back at us but fell back in line with their mamas.  The country there is absolutely stunning - right on the edge of Cypress Hills interprovincial park.  One of the calves got into the parkland so one of the ranchers and I rode wide and encouraged it back into the pasture.  I sang the theme from City Slickers in my head most of the time and you couldn’t peel the smile off my face.  I love the deep belly breathing that happens when you do something you really love to do - that’s horseback riding and being out in nature for me. 

After my cattle drive we drove the windy prairie over to Moose Jaw.  We stayed the night in the hotel with the pool in hopes that we would get a morning swim and we did.  Winnipeg is such a small town that we met someone from Cian’s class at breakfast in the Days Inn in Moose Jaw. I love that small town feel of the Peg. We weren’t sure if we were going to try to camp in Moose Jaw the next night but it was still pretty windy so we decided it wasn’t in the cards for us and that we would drive home after our Moose Jaw adventure to the tunnels.  

The Tunnels of Moose Jaw has two tours and we thought the kids would enjoy being bootleggers during Prohibition and we were right.  They are the perfect age and temperament to be SO into the melodrama. It’s hard to know how your kids are going to do on a tour like that but I think Keith is right that our kids (the only kids) were probably the highlight of the tour for a lot of the group. The actors couldn’t have scripted them better.  Cian and Em each broke one of the actors (temporarily - they were very good) with their sincere responses and it was fun for the adults to see things through the lens of kids who whole-heartedly believed.  Sam was very good and slept through the whole thing.  It was great fun so if you ever find yourself in Moose Jaw you should check it out.

Our trip home was uneventful - we were cocooned in our jam-packed van and made it home late into the evening.  Everyone was thankful to be back in our comfy familiar beds.  Our “Cowboys and Dinosaurs” tour was a great success.  It’s a good example of how you don’t have to leave our own beautiful country to have great adventures.  

Have Baby...Will Travel

I have always thought it important to fly early and often with our kids so that they are used to airplanes. We love traveling and want to instil that love in our children too.  Sam's first flight was to Edmonton to visit friends and family and he did great.  He was 2.5 months old and slept most of the way.

His second flight was to come with me to Victoria for a conference.  My mom was meeting us there to hang out with Sam while I attended sessions.  The flight to Victoria was great.  I have not had a series of flights so happy to have a baby on board.  People cooed over him and wanted to smile and play with him.  I sat beside a man on my flight to Edmonton that was ecstatic to sit beside a baby as he was flying home to his baby.  Turns out we know lots of mutual people - the Mennonite game has a small deck of playing cards to be sure.  My mom and I were actually on the same flight from Edmonton and when she asked the lady beside me if she wanted to switch seats she reluctantly agreed but said she would have been happy to sit with the baby.  People were excited about the baby as we passed them in the airplane aisle.  I have never been so relaxed with a baby on a flight.  We arrived on the island and Sam had lots of fun hanging out with Tante Betty, Kelly and Omi in Sooke.  

We had fun at the conference and he spent time hanging out and exploring downtown Victoria with Omi.  We traveled home on Friday to meet up with the other kiddos on their last day of school before we head out for our summer adventures. 

The flight home started in Victoria at 0820.  Sam nursed on ascent and then finally settled into his morning nap.  I started a movie and 6 minutes in the captain informed us that we were starting our descent into Calgary.  I had another 25 minutes of movie to enjoy before I arrived in Calgary with a napping baby on my chest.  Despite my best efforts he woke up with all the motion trying to get our carry on luggage off the plane.  He was happy enough though and we set off to explore the Calgary airport.  I got a coffee and snack from Starbucks and we went to our gate.  We went to sit down and I tried to let Sam kick around on the ground but he was not interested in that.  A woman came up to me and asked if she could hold the baby while I enjoyed my snack and coffee - sure!  Her two kids played with Sam, she enjoyed a cuddle and Sam was in heaven cause people were paying attention to him.  

I changed Sam's diaper just before we boarded our last plane from Calgary to Winnipeg.  It was a very full flight with 8 babies on it and many other children - Winnipeg must be the new kiddo destination.  My row was full with a young man who was probably a bit younger than me sitting beside me.  Sam was restless because he was hungry and I was trying to hold him off until we started our ascent.  He was not having it so eventually I caved and started to nurse him as everyone settled into the flight and the airplane became quiet before takeoff.  

Sam has this less than endearing habit that he needs to be breastfeeding in order to poop.  I do not appreciate being the stick he metaphorically "bites down on" to create enough intraabdominal pressure to unload but it has happened for months now and is just his way.  He doesn't fill his diaper every time he pushes his feet down but its a fearful Russian roulette when it happens as he is not quiet about his endeavours.  

Sam hadn't pooped in several days which is normal for breastfed babies but it had seemed over the last day that he was gearing up for something.  There was also about a 10-20 minute window within the last week - the window that I was currently in on the quiet airplane pre-takeoff - that would be massively inconvenient to decide to use to empty out.  Babies are funny and they know just the right way to mortify you.  This was a master class in mortal embarrassment.  Sam decides this is his time to shine.  Massive explosion into his diaper with no airplane noise to soften the din.  Multiple episodes just in case there was any confusion who was loading their diaper on the plane - all while he was under the nursing blanket incognito and I got to be the fresh face of this smelly and loud escapade.  Then, feeling infinitely better, he promptly fell asleep on takeoff. 

I was then left with the ultimate parenting decision.  Do I leave the baby alone, currently sleeping soundly in his own shit that has leaked through his diaper, sleeper and blanket or do I wake him up to save my seatmates from the knowledge they are sitting beside a poop-covered baby?  I debated for several minutes before deciding that I would change him.  I left my window seat and changed his diaper with shit up to his shoulders.  He was his usual happy self ever so pleased with himself.  I changed all his clothes and his blanket and sat back down.  My seat mates who had been silently stalwart through this whole endeavour were lovely to Sam despite his massive social faux pas.  Sam was then awake for the remainder of the flight until the very end when I put on my headphones and restarted my movie.  Six minutes in the captain said we were starting our descent into Winnipeg.  Maybe I will get to finish that movie someday.  We arrived in Winnipeg with our favourite people waiting for us on the Hug Rug.  Parenting is humbling....but awesome. 

Mother's Day

Thanks to my mom for raising me and being such a wonderful Omi to my kids.  I know that not everyone gets to have their mom be there to answer questions and listen to their worries and I am so thankful to have mine. 

Thanks to my wonderful kids for making me a mom. 

My heart is full.

When my children remember their childhood, I want only for them to remember that their Mother gave it her all.  She worried too much, she failed at times and she did not always get it right...but she tried her hardest to teach them about kindness, love, compassion and honesty.  Even if she had to learn it from her own mistakes she loved them enough to keep going, even when things seemed hopeless, even when life knocked her down.  I want them to remember me as the Woman who always got back up.

-Erin James

Life with Sam

Sam is 3 months old and we are enjoying him immensely.  With Cian and Emily I was still in residency and had my exam and expectations looming. With Sam we can rest and enjoy him and our life as a family and that is such a tremendous gift.

Sam is a pretty relaxed kid.  In a lot of ways he has a similar temperament to Keith.  This is extremely fortunate as the other two are wild and certainly wild about him.  They aggressively love him and he seems to take it all in stride.

We are also more relaxed as parents which I am sure is part of it.  Breastfeeding is going a lot better because he is a great feeder but also because I am not stressed about whether it works or not.  We fully expected not to sleep well and although he does wake up to feed every 2-3hours he goes right back. to sleep and we aren't too worried about it if he doesn't (although I have to admit that today I am a bit tired as he decided that 5am was a good start to our day).  He is happy watching the antics of his brother and sister from the comfort of his little blue chair or his swing and they like to entertain him with his toys or reading his little books to him.  They drag him around in that little chair to wherever they are so he doesn't feel left out.  I think that was probably my biggest worry about having a third kiddo so much later than the other two - that he would feel left out.  So far, I don't think that will be a problem.  Cian and Em are both so kind to him and also seem to be grateful that he is a part of our family.  He's a gift for all of us.

Samuel Peter Morris

Friday morning arrived and Cian awoke without an alarm to greet us at the predetermined 5am wake-up.  The C-section was booked for 0730 and we needed to be there almost 2 hrs ahead of time. Cian has some sort of sixth sense when it comes to waking up for important events so it wasn't entirely shocking he was awake.

We arrived at the hospital and were greeted by my colleagues and friends.  It's so nice to see how good the people you work with are at their jobs from the patient perspective.  I really do work with incredible people.  We went upstairs and were greeted by more colleagues and the amazing women that were doing my surgery - women I completely look up to.  I had decided on a repeat C-section for a few reasons - 1) I had a midline incision with my big surgery with Emily and the giant cyst and 2) my grandmother died of high grade serous ovarian cancer and the current recommendations include taking out both tubes so I needed surgery and 3) I still had residual cyst on the right side that needed to come out.  My anesthetist had called me the day before to make sure it was ok with me that she was doing my spinal.  It's a bit nerve-wracking when you are doing procedures on your colleagues and you could tell she was nervous.  I knew she would do a great job and my anesthetic was excellent.  I tried not to listen to what was happening inside my belly but it was impossible to not hear when they called for Arista powder to help with bleeding or when they realized that the baby was swimming in an ocean of amniotic fluid. The surgery took a little longer than expected due to the bleeding and the anesthetist who was nervous to start with was pacing that her spinal would start to wear off (which it was as I knew what step of the surgery they were on by the end cause I could feel where they were but I still wasn't in pain). Certainly I was distracted by the beautiful baby they brought to visit halfway through the surgery.  

We had chosen the name Samuel Peter Morris very early on in the pregnancy.  All of our kids have first names that we liked for various reasons but weren't a namesake.  Samuel means "God has heard" and we had done a lot of soul-searching before having a third baby.  I felt that we had enough room in our hearts for a third kid. and Keith had arrived at a similar conclusion now that our other kids were a bit older and less constant work.  But still we were excited and nervous about what it might mean to bring a fifth heart into our mix.  Life had plans for us though as Sam had decided he was joining our family and that was that - no bleeding, no miscarriages, no pregnancy complications - he was on his way.  Our kids all have middle names that are an homage to someone special.  I have missed my grandmother so much since she passed away and this baby was due close to her birthday and I wanted to honour her especially in the setting of the kids calling this baby "Manta Ray". Her maiden name was Peters so Peter seemed like a good plan.  It also played double duty a bit as one of my friends from college who was such a wonderful person was one of the RCMP killed in Mayerthorpe - he certainly embodied the strength of "stone" as the name would suggest. I hope each of my kids have characteristics of their namesake middle names.  

Sam was brought into the world in a room full of exceptional women.  In fact, Sam and Keith were the only men there.  Cathleen was my nurse and she is a total delight - what wonderful warm hands to greet our son.  Cathleen isn't from Malawi but she has family there I believe because we often greet each other in Chichewa in the hallways or in the OR.  She is a treasure and the first arms to cuddle our son. 

I have never managed to get a picture of Dr. Logan who has safely delivered all three of our children into the world.  She has a quiet calm about her that puts everyone at ease.  Dr. Diamond assisted her on the C-section for Emily and when she found out I was pregnant again wanted to come for this birthday despite lots of her own health concerns.  She is what I picture when I think of grateful resilience.  She has every right to be frustrated with all the difficulties she has been handed but instead she walks up the four flights of stairs to the OR at 0730 on a cold January Friday morning to help bring new life into the world.  That's the kind of inspiring people I work with - it makes coming to work a joy. 

We went to recovery and other people popped by to say hello and welcome Samuel into the world.  Cathleen took care of my like a mama and transferred us to a waiting room on LDRP.  Over the course of the day other friends came to visit and bring well wishes.  Keith had convinced me to let the kids go to their full day of school and come after and that was a good choice.  They arrived with the little cameras they had gotten from Santa and were totally enamoured with their new baby brother.  They took pictures of all permutations of people.  The couldn't get over how small he was even though he was the biggest of our children at 8 lbs.  They were enthralled by his umbilicus and cord clamp which of course would be super interesting if you had never seen it before.  

That evening I was by myself as we had planned that Keith would be home with our other two kids and I would stay at the hospital at night by myself.  In the late afternoon I thought Sam's colour was a bit off but it seemed to be because he was cold and he pinked up with the blanket.  At shift change (730pm) he turned blue-grey again just lying on my lap and I called the nurses who ran and scooped him out of my room.  That was the longest 20 minutes ever as I waited to hear how he was doing.  At about the 10 minute mark I called Keith because I still couldn't get out of bed post-surgery and was there immobile and alone in the room.  Keith is always very calm but when I called to tell him about Sam he was in the middle of the bathtime/bedtime routine and you could tell he was nervous.  He passed the phone to my mom who said she would come so I wouldn't be alone.  The nurses returned and told me that Sam needed to be suctioned for what they thought was a mucus plug.  He had been seen by the paediatrician who had been at the desk and by neonatology and his sugar was low at 1.8 or 1.9 so they had given him glucogel (oral sugar) to bring that up.  He had perked up quite quickly and wanted me to know he was totally fine.  That was a huge relief.  Keith called after the kids were in bed and despite his typical practicality and knowing Sam was ok I asked how he was and he told me he was nervous and worried about Sam and wanted to come back to the hospital to cuddle Sam himself.  I fall in love with him a little bit more each time he shows that sweet side that he usually wraps up in steady calm.  

Keith then stayed that first night and Sam was watched for a couple hours at the desk as they monitored his sugar overnight.  He needed a second dose of glucogel but then his sugars normalized. He had a couple top ups with formula too to maintain his sugars but he wasn't really into that as he is a very good breastfeeder (Cathleen called it in the OR - she knew he would feed well).  He wasn't very interested in formula top-ups.  He dropped 9% of his weight after Day 1 probably in relation to his sugars and the night nurse thought we might have to stay to get his weight up but the daytime nurse was very seasoned and she wasn't worried.  She knew we would top him up if he wasn't feeding and the public health nurse would come the next day so at the 48 hour mark we got to go home.  The second night had been uneventful except for the weight loss so I felt much better about taking him home.  The paediatrician on call saw him the morning the day after his blue-grey incident and wasn't worried about him so that was also reassuring.  My recovery was a lot less eventful.  I didn't really have any incisional pain but the shoulder and collar-bone pain was intense (gas pain).  It's always good for doctors to be patients - it keeps us humble and hopefully makes us better physicians through personal experience.  

Keith and the kids came to pick me up when we were discharged and we packed ourselves up as a family of 5.  The kids were so focused on being good helpers and wanted to carry his car seat so badly despite being told multiple times they couldn't.  They were just as excited as we were to come home - probably even more so.  Despite our concerns about what it would be like to be outnumbered by our kids we have seemed to have fallen into being a family of 5 without too much difficulty.  I feel so settled with our kids and how much we love each of them and how much they love each other.  Each family is different I guess and ours was waiting for Sam.  We are so thankful that all of us are healthy, that we have the means to spend some time together as we get to know Sam and he gets to know us and for each of the beautiful hearts that inhabit this home.  Blessings abound. 

Our family of 5 (soon to be 6 as we await Groot)

The Manta Ray

Tonight is the last night of our family as we know it.  

Tomorrow we will be 5 instead of 4.

I did not anticipate being this nervous.  

We decided last year that we had love in our family that we wanted to share with one more little human.  We weren't sure if it was meant to be but in May we got the answer to our question: there was room for one more little Morris in our life. 

Keith and I were nervous then too. We've been out of baby stage for a while so jumping back in seemed crazy.  It took us a little time to settle in to our previous decision to have a 3rd baby and to realize the realities of that despite being quite excited about all the possibility.

We told the kids relatively early so they didn't think I was sick.  I knew they would be excited but I hadn't realized the extent of their excitement.  It might be the most excited they have been about anything ever and that includes Cian who is typically enthusiastic about a wide variety of topics.  

I had miscarriages before each of my first 2 children but not this little person.  I have taken that as a sign it was meant to be as I feel that perhaps if we had a 3rd miscarriage we would not have had the courage to try again and our little family of 4 would never know 5 (or 6 as the kids remind us because we never want to forget about Groot).

In utero Cian was the Morris Monkey, Emily was the Morris Moose and I let them choose what animal this one would be.  I did suggest Morris Manatee because they are slow and loveable but the kids wanted Morris Manta Ray.  They searched on Pinterest for pictures of ocean nurseries and help decorate and get ready.  I hadn't remembered that on Moana the grandma turns into a Manta Ray and when that realization washed over me I knew the kids had made the perfect choice.  

We meet you tomorrow little person.  We are nervous and excited to share our lives and our family with you.  Hopefully you love our crazy antics and lots of hugs and kisses.  You are already very very loved. 

Kelly and Kyle

We spent this weekend in Vancouver and the only thing that would inspire a trip during a rainy November is the wedding of two very special people: my "baby" cousin Kelly and who we affectionately refer to at our house as "Pickle" Kyle. 

My cousin Kelly was 11 when Keith and I got married and there are 13 years between us so I remember being so excited when she was born.  Kelly and her brother Adam were my "babies/dolls" just as I had been for their mother.  Over the years I have watched her grow into this extraordinary, gentle and kind heart.  We share a deep love of our grandparents as the oldest and youngest - the bookends of cousins.  

Emily and I met Kyle at Grandpa's funeral.  I hugged him immediately - he was the sunshine of that day for me.  He was clearly such a good fit into that family - even with my British curmudgeon, Uncle Simon!  He obviously loved my cousin and in the wake of the loss of Grandpa it was such a gift to meet someone that he so clearly would have enjoyed talking to over a long cup of weak instant coffee.  He was kind to Emily who thought he was great fun and he dared her to get a pickle from the church catering ladies.  She was brave even then and returned from the kitchen victorious with her pickle held in the hand high above her head - hence...Pickle Kyle.  

When Kyle took Kelly to Rome for a romantic trip most of us knew that there was a good chance of a proposal.  We were glad not to be disappointed.  Our little family knew that (if we were invited) we definitely wanted to be there to celebrate two well-matched, caring, beautiful people.  

Kelly and I texted every so often over the year as things got organized.  They settled on a small and beautiful venue that fit the experience they wanted.  I was happy to come and bring my zoo but didn't want to impact such a beautiful and intimate experience.  They were very clear that they wanted our kids there and so we started preparing.  Sunday dinners in our house were coursed meals with a lot of manners and appropriate utensil usage.  My favourite was Emily eating a salad and Keith asked if she liked it and she said "No I don't like it, but I'll eat it cause I want to go to the wedding!".   Then Kelly and Kyle thought it would be way nicer for them to have kid food and they got to look forward to fancy cheeseburgers.  Kelly hoped for a bite and after weeks of thinking about it the consensus was "maybe".

I spent the week before the wedding at a physician leadership course in downtown Vancouver - making my personal trip serve double-duty as a work one.  I got the lovely couple all to myself the weekend before the wedding and they were relaxed and happy and how could you wish more for family that you love?  

Keith and the kids came into town on Thursday night.  We had a great weekend at the Vancouver Aquarium with Jo, Arya and Gavin.  We went to Science World with Mel and had sushi with the entire Vancouver crowd.  We got to spend some time with my parents as we stayed at the same hotel. On Friday night we went to the Old Spaghetti Factory and had dinner with our little side of the family.  Kelly is totally right that we've all gotten together for sad things over the last several years and it was so nice to get together for something happy.  We are a classy bunch throwing bread to each other around the table and making sure everyone gets the "proper" ice cream. How great it was to see Emily playing with her spaghetti "Lady and the Tramp" style with Tante Betty.  How is it that there are people in the world that you don't see very often but when you get to spend time with them, even a short time, they fill your heart right to the corners?  That's my Aunty Betty for me.  

Sunday evening was the big day.  Keith and I realized that when faced with a highly anticipated event that our children head in two different directions: Cian rises and Emily melts.  She is her mother's daughter and gets a bit overwhelmed and so there were many tears with tights and a dress that touched her, hair that wasn't exactly what she wanted, etc. etc.  She cried and whined for about 30 minutes before we had to leave.  In contrast, Cian got dressed, Keith put some gel in his hair, he checked himself out in the mirror and realized he looked pretty darn good.  He also said that I looked "stylish and gorgeous" which was an overstatement at best as I was trying to unsuccessfully wrangle his sobbing, blotchy-faced sister into her dress.  Children are never boring.

The ceremony was at 4pm and was approximately 12 people.  We were to arrive about 30 minutes before and when we arrived on the second floor there was the beautiful bride who graciously and enthusiastically hugged my very excited kids. Her dress was beautiful but it was outshined by her spirit that lifted my kids for big hugs with no concern to her very white, very chic dress. She was radiant.  We settled in with my parents for the ceremony as it was very close family and it was the perfect first wedding for my kids.  They asked us to not take pictures and to be present since it was such a small space.  In the hectic nature of getting ready for the wedding I hadn't thought about the fact that I would then experience the wedding.  The officiant (who was excellent) asked us to stand as the bride entered and as I turned to face the door it all hit me.  Thank goodness my mom had Kleenex.  My mom was in front of me closer to the door flanked by my kids, my aunt behind me waiting in the first row and standing beside Keith I felt every feeling I hadn't let myself feel.  There was most definitely a generation missing in that room and I felt it so acutely that it washed over me like a tidal wave as Christine Perri's song " A Thousand Years" played as Kelly walked in.  Thank goodness Keith's shoulder covers most of my face even in heels.  The ceremony was beautiful.  It was authentic and personal to the two of them.  It honoured their relationship, their love and their hopes for the future.  It's exactly what I want my kids to see as love that is honest, real and true.  

There were pictures afterword and then the dinner was at 530.  There were 47 people coming for the dinner and although that sounds small it didn't feel small.  I suspect that's because there were a lot of big hearts in the room.  My kids were treated so warmly by Kyle's family and Kelly and Kyle had put so much thought into their experience.  There were disposable cameras on their place settings and "I Spy" lists of things they were supposed to take pictures of.  They thought this was the most amazing idea ever invented.  They took their "jobs" very seriously and everyone was an incredibly good sport.  So often kids are excluded in favour of the wedding experience but despite this being a very adult and posh affair there was such grace and kindness extended to Cian and Emily.  

Their hamburgers were brought out with our salads and Kelly and Kyle came over for their bites while the kids howled and protested.  It was great fun.  After dinner Kelly and Kyle came over again with treat bags full of Guardians of the Galaxy fun.  Basically they are ruined for all future weddings now.  

The speeches were thoughtful about both the bride and groom.  My dad did grace and mentioned the love modelled by my grandparents and spoke out loud what all of us were feeling. How much they were missed and how much they taught all of us.  My aunt and uncle did a great job and Adam spoke too which was a surprise to me and was wonderful.  Keith and I have spoken before that we hope that our kids have a relationship like Kelly and Adam (#siblinggoals).

We took our zoo home around 9:30pm and walked back to the hotel.  They packed up all their treats (and showed Kelly our present too) and gave their millionth hugs to everyone.  "Always together for the important moments" is something I hope to hold as a core value in my heart.  This was an important moment and I was glad we were together, holding the ones not with us in our hearts as we held on to each other.  Congratulations Kelly and Kyle - we were so honoured to be with you.  Much love and blessings as you move forward in your life together.