GROOT!

Just before Christmas last year we met the newest member of our family.  We (mostly me and then surprisingly Keith agreed) have been thinking about a service dog for Cian for quite some time.  Cian's first word was dog and as a baby all walks were "dog safaris".  When we finally got a diagnosis for Cian and realized his cerebral palsy would have lifelong challenges we, of course, wanted to support him the best way we could.  Our son doesn't have obvious physical assistance needs - he is able to walk and run and paddle (he has an excellent low brace!) but he does have some physical needs once you get to know him.  Balance is challenging - he hasn't mastered a bike without training wheels and he has been known to fall off a chair when sitting completely still.  The biggest physical issue is his constant need for physical touch so after much research and soul-searching it seemed that Cian's love of dogs could serve a real medical need for him.  We contacted MSAR and met George.  George is a very interesting character.  He has a military background and also trains dogs for military and police purposes so it's so neat to see him with this special place in his heart for kids with special needs.  It was also heartwarming to see how much both Cian and George love dogs. Most of my daily interactions are within a medical capacity with either colleagues or patients and there are always. time constraints; not so with George.  He always seems like he has all the time in the world to hang out and really get to know you, your background, your interests, how you got to where you are and how a dog could help your family.  I really admired that about him and despite what I suspect are vastly different world views (the Army guy and the Menno feminist) it has always been nice to sit and have a chat without judgements.  

After multiple meetings and the alleviation of our fears that neither Keith or I have EVER had a dog and know NOTHING about them we decided to take the plunge.  Despite Cian's immense love of dogs he never pressured us for one - maybe that's just another one of his cool idiosyncrasies - his inherent knowledge that his parents would get there in their own time. 

We talked a lot about dog names while Janet from MSAR was trying to find the perfect puppy.  All of the options were nerdy and interestingly the short list were all superhero/comic characters that didn't talk very much.  Cian often tends to gravitate to characters that don't talk which I always think is interesting since he would love to not talk if he could figure out a different way to communicate.  His love of these characters remind me to not pressure him to talk when he doesn't need to.  Han Solo doesn't ask Chewbacca to speak unless absolutely necessary and he loves him just the same. 

When Cian and Emily thought to put Groot on the dog name list they were pretty decided on that as the name.  They both love Guardians of the Galaxy and Cian LOVES Groot.  What is not to love about a tall tree superhero that only says one thing, saves his "family" and is loved by all.  That would certainly resonate in his heart.  It was Groot from that moment on.

Cian was pretty specific that his heart was set on a "brown boy dog".  Service dogs are typically labs, golden retrievers, poodles, labradoodles, and goldendoodles.  I LOVE golden retrievers but Keith, ever the practical one, thought a golden doodle would be better since we have a small house and they shed a lot less and we don't love to clean.  Very practical and ultimately the complete right decision. 

Janet found what Cian was looking for.  She said it was the first time she had seen a puppy so relaxed that he was lying on his back.  She sent pictures of him and we completely fell in love with this mix of standard poodle and red golden retriever.  This was Cian's match and we couldn't wait to meet him.

We met Groot on Christmas Eve.  We had told Cian that Janet had found him a puppy and he didn't react with surprise - it was like he knew that this was how his life was supposed to unfold.  Meeting Groot did however bring an unmatched happiness reaction.  I was worried for a little puppy to be confronted with so much touching and love but Groot was made for Cian and even as a brand-new puppy he wasn't afraid of Cian's "aggressive friendliness".  It was a perfect match and everyone could feel it. 

Groot won't live with our family until at least 12-14 months after we met him for the first time.  The person who has the hardest time with this fact is me.  Cian is far more practical and realizes that Groot has to "go to school".  He lives with Sam and Kaylee and Sam's service dog Molly.  Molly is a gorgeous Golden Retriever and is the perfect role model for Groot.  Sam and Kaylee are doing a wonderful job with Groot and send us regular updates and pictures via text and social media.  He has a large social media following which is an unexpected joy of this journey. (You can follow him on Instagram @wannebeservicedogs)  It's wonderful to have strangers encouraging and loving our dog.  Our neighbours and family follow his journey too.  One of my young patients follows MSAR on Facebook and said she saw our pictures with Groot and is following along too.  It takes a village and our village is full of dog-lovers.

At the beginning of April we were allowed to have another visit with Groot.  There are a lot of rules when it comes to service dogs and we are learning as we go.  For example, we asked if we could get him a toy and they said we could and suggested that Cian sleep with it for a while so that it would smell like him and then Groot would get used to that for future bonding.  When I told that to Cian he really took that to heart.  We decided on getting him a Rocket the Raccoon toy (aka Groot's best friend in Guardians of the Galaxy) and Cian took it everywhere around the house and slept with it and also occassionally rubbed it on his sister as they are always together.  On our way out the door to meet Groot he put it in his coat and exclaimed "I have a Rocket in my pocket!"  

We met Groot at the Neighbourhood Cafe which is literally our Neighbourhood cafe that has bookshelves for walls.  The cafe was awesome and all the patrons loved Groot (it's hard not to stare at a cute furry puppy on the floor that's climbing on an ecstatic little boy).  Cian and Groot were inseperable from the moment they saw each other.  Groot was practicing his compressive therapy and immediately laid down on top of Cian.  They were relaxed with each other like they were old friends. Cian seemed to relax within himself too - he was way more engaged with Sam and Kaylee than I expected (as we had never met them in person before) asking questions and telling them about our neighbourhood when we went for our walk.  If I had any doubts about the choice to move forward with getting a service dog (which I didn't) this afternoon together would have quenched them. 

Some people have difficulty trying to figure out labels for people that are different.  We like to put things into lists, preferably hierarchical ones.  Even I am guilty of this despite all the things that being Cian's mom has taught me.  I know that Cian isn't the typical person that people think of when they think of "service dog".  Because he doesn't have the same physical disabilities people associate with service dogs I sometimes feel people think he isn't "bad enough" to need one.  I have chosen to remind myself that the responses to Cian getting a service dog have been overwhelmingly positive from the MSAR staff, our friends, family and neighbours and anyone that knows Cian.  It's my own thinking that has slowly become less reductive.  Supporting the needs of my own kid needs to be my focus and his brain injury has manifested how it's manifested and Groot supports his needs. Groot, we  truly feel blessed to have you in Cian's life and thank you for working so hard to be what Cian needs. Thanks to Sam, Kaylee and Groot for their tireless work - clearly it comes with great heart and we are humbled by the love and kindness put into helping our son.

Musings on the Front Porch

Sitting on the front porch watching the sun come up on my post-post call day I am enjoying the porch swing that Keith hung up for me.  It's probably the most romantic gift that I bought myself.  That's because the romance isn't in the purchasing (as in most things) - the romance was in the hours of figuring out how to support it and hang it properly to be enjoyed by our family as we sit out front smiling and waving at our neighbours.  The porch really is the best in the shade of the early morning and to enjoy leisurely sun-kissed naps in the afternoon. Keith's love language is most certainly in the little things and sometimes I can miss all the little things until I realize sitting on this front porch that this beautiful swing that I love so much would still be sitting in a box if it wasn't for him.

Last evening I was again reminded of all the little ways he improves my life.  I was doing my typical post-call mania which goes something like this....

Me: I feel amazing!!! (on 3 hours sleep) I am going to do all the things.  I'm going to get everything on my to-do list done.  I can do anything and everything cause I feel great.  I have never felt this good.

Keith: Maybe you should just relax a bit...

Me: NO I CAN DO ALL THE THINGS

1 hour later

Me: I am tired.  I don't want to be tired.  I want to do stuff.  The sun is shining...waaaaahhhhh.....

Keith: Why don't you just go to sleep - you will be fine tomorrow. 

Me: I don't want to go to bed.  This sucks.  Bedtime is stupid. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.........


Anyway who thinks being married to a doctor would be awesome doesn't realize that at times it's like having a bigger and whinier child.  It's not for the faint of heart.

Thankfulness

Thanksgiving if my favourite holiday.

This year we were missing our regular partners in fall festivities - the Schaapshers.  We are so lucky to have friends that regularly make the 14 hour trip to see us as the leaves change across this country. It was not in the cards this year and their absence was felt but hopefully our love for them was felt from provinces away.

Because we have finally finished our deck and the renovations are (mostly) done and because the back deck seemed to lend itself so splendidly to a giant dining table we were hoping for an outside feast and the weather didn't disappoint.  Despite the snowy temperatures for our friends back in Alberta we made it to our projected high of 12 degrees and with a rented patio heater and a roaring fire (and knitted layers) we were all able to enjoy Thanksgiving under the prairie sky.

There was of course WAY too much delicious food and drink.  I went overboard on stuffing because it's my favourite and I only make it once a year.  Jen's dad made my favourite cabbage rolls.  Andrea brought delicious vegetarian goodness.  The turkey literally fell off the bone which was a good thing since usually Paul carves it.  I, in fact, became keenly aware of all the things that Paul silently does to help me on Thanksgiving day.  I had to do an awful lot more chopping this year.

The kids were a great help this year too.  Emily cut intricate fall decorations for the front windows and they made 15 tea light lanterns to put along the banister of the back deck.  They were excited to see their loved ones too.

Keith, of course, did all the thankless jobs. He dutifully put up the lights to make the backyard an autumn evening wonderland.  He got all the supplies and cleaned all the bathrooms.  He doesn't begrudge me my ridiculous over-the-topness.

Our house started embracing it's visitors around 4pm.  There is nothing better than people coming to the door that generally want to come and spend the evening with you - no agenda and no expectations.  I love that everyone rolled up their sleeves and helped put the last minute touches on everything.  Lighting the lights, making sure there were enough chairs, cutlery, the "always last-minute" gravy.

There was tonnes of belly laughter, honest conversation and hugs between friends new and old.  Older kids playing with younger ones and "cousin friends" literally sweating with excitement and video game enthusiasm.  We enjoyed the pink sunset as day turned to night and the lights started to twinkle and the fire warmed our bodies and friendship warmed our hearts.

I spent Thanksgiving with people I love in my favourite place and for that I am truly thankful.

"Hear blessings dropping their blossoms around you"  - Rumi

Jo and Graeme

A few weeks ago I got a text from my friend Jo in the middle of a weekday asking if I could give her a call when I had a second because she had a question for me.  I've begun to realize in my relatively new doctor life that a text/call like that is typically professional in nature. After a few follow-up questions I also realized it wasn't about the happy obstetrical part of my job. This was not a text conversation but a cross-provincial lunch hour phone call.

My friend Graeme has lymphoma.  Over the next couple of days we would find out that it was mediastinal B-cell non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.  

Jo, Graeme, Keith and I have lived our lives in parallel and been friends for about 15 years. Keith and Jo actually went to the same high school so have known each other even longer.  I won't speak for Keith and his relationships with Jo and Graeme but I can tell you there have been countless goofy times with Jo ("JOOOOOANNE" to the tune of Roxanne) and endless conversations with Graeme about board games.  He also often comments on how amazing Jo and Graeme were when he got sick at their house.  They took care of our 2 very young kids, as he was solo-parenting that trip, while he slept off his Gravol.

Jo and I "matured" together in our 20s like fine wines that only seem to get better with age ;).  We have had all sorts of ridiculous antics that were captured on film that I am in no way about to post here.  We got married to our respective nerds about a year apart and became moms within months of each other.  Jo is my favourite "mom friend" because although we've made different choices in our lives I have always felt loved and respected for my choices and I hope she feels the same.  We've never compared our kids and have just loved and commiserated over their quirks and cuteness.  She sent me flowers when Cian wasn't gaining weight as a baby and kept my spirits up.  She is the kind of friend that will rent an orange car and drive out to Chilliwack to save you from a weekend spent in the Fraser Valley when it would be much better spent with friends in Vancouver.  Over the years she has shared her family with me (especially her older brother) and despite the many provinces between us when we see each other it's like we spoke just the other day.  She's the kind of friend that always has your back. She's the Spice in our Sugar and Spice and always will be.

Looking at old photographs this morning my relationship with Graeme has certainly matured over time as well.  I had completely forgotten about the "Graeme" T-shirt which is the T-shirt I made for Valentine's Day or Graeme's birthday (I honestly can't remember) when I sang "My Heart Belongs to Graeme" and then continued to wear for several months to come.  We eventually went on a "date" that got off to a rocky start when he announced at the entrance of the restaurant that he had no intention of dating me.  By the end of the evening he wished he could retract his earlier statement but the damage was irrevocable.  He also had mentioned that General Conference (GC) Mennonite girls were the "easy" kind.  Thank goodness he got better at dating by the time he started with Joanne.  I have countless memories of swing dancing with him or dancing around to Mambo No. 5.  When I think of Graeme I think of big grins and bear hugs and of course...boardgames. He's as solid a guy as the big brass bells he used to ring in UAMC. 

You share your life with more than just your partner and we have had the privilege of sharing our lives with this wonderful family.

They are such wonderful people and need support.  Not only does Graeme have lymphoma but on the same day he was diagnosed the company he worked for went out of business.  They are not the type of people who would ask for help - they are usually the people doing the helping.  If it's possible for you to spare a bit of a donation or if you are interested in some jewellery and want to support two good causes (the Jahnsi and ethical eco-friendly products) I would urge you to check out the links below.  

Online Fundraiser for the Jahnsi

Donations to the Jahnsi Family

To Jo, Graeme, Arya and Gavin - we love all 4 of you very much.  You can do this and you have a huge cheerleading squad.  There is love pouring in from all over the country and from our little house in Winnipeg we'll have Mambo No. 5 on repeat, wine in the wine rack and boardgames on the counter awaiting our next visit with our dear friends.  We are holding the faith as we hold you in our hearts.

"Friends come and go like the waves of the ocean...but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face." 

-Unknown

  

Ovarian Cancer Walk

Last weekend our family walked in the 2016 Ovarian Cancer Walk of Hope.  We did this in honour of my grandmother, Annie Braun, who died of high-grade serous ovarian cancer in 2013.  I have been wanting to do this for a while but the stars aligned this year to allow us to take part in this amazing day.
Our team was named "Annie's Roses" in honour of my grandmother and her amazing garden.  If you never had the pleasure of visiting their house on Fern Street it was an oasis in the middle of suburban Chilliwack.  Perfect hedges and roses in the front garden and a half acre plot of vegetables, fruit and flowers in the backyard.  I spent so much of my childhood sitting on my little bench having teatime with my grandparents there, in our own little secret garden.  That bench now sits in my living room, a reminder of the garden of love they planted deep in my heart (as my own children jump all over it hopefully planting seeds in their hearts as well).
Often if you came to visit that house on Fern Street my grandmother would send you home with a perfect rose in full bloom from the front garden.  Her love language was always taking care of others usually with food or flowers.
With that knowledge I decided to name our team "Annie's Roses".  We had generous donations from friends and family for a very important cause as ovarian cancer is often diagnosed late and currently there is no screening test.  My grandmother also suffered greatly at the end and my hope would be that no one else would have to endure that.  Also professionally I have had a number of patients with ovarian cancer both in my paediatric and adult practice and more research would be so helpful in diagnosing and treating this disease. So in memory of her and in honour of the women that would battle ovarian cancer after her we decided to walk.
I pre-registered our team the day before and wrote our team name on our family T-shirts.  I bought yellow roses with pink edges that I always associate with my grandma.  There was only one bundle at the store and those were ours.  They bloomed perfectly for the next day.
We arrived at Rainbow Stage and our friends and colleagues were already there.  Two nurses from Women's Hospital have been organizing this even since they lost their mom to ovarian cancer in 2000 and they do an amazing job.  There was face-painting and snacks and temporary tattoos and balloons and the kids were in heaven.  We had brought the wagon and decorated it with the vase of roses and pictures of my grandma in her garden.
It was a beautiful day to walk and we walked through beautiful gardens on a warm September day.  Keith pulled the wagon wearing a white feather boa (I have a beautiful picture of my grandma wearing one on her 80th birthday) like the good sport that he is.
When we arrived back after the walk I decided the roses were in such perfect bloom that I would give them away for others to enjoy just as she would have done.
When I walked back into Rainbow Stage I saw a woman walking towards me with a beautiful bald head.  She was clearly recently in treatment.  I had noticed her throughout the day but as she walked closer I recognized who she was and smiled.  She walked up to me and said "I have been trying to place you as I kept telling myself "I know this girl!"".  I smiled and said "I am your doctor." (it's hard to recognize your doctor out of context in sportswear and a yellow flower in her hair).  She gasped, grabbed me, hugged me and started weeping.  She held me there for a long time crying with me trying not to cry.  She held me so long in fact that Cian thought she was a good friend and the kind heart that he is he gave her a big hug from behind.  As she leaned back her face red from crying she said "You saved my life."  My heart was full to overflowing.  I may not have been able to save my grandma but this amazing woman had a family that loved her too and she was going to make it. I gave her one of grandma's roses and she asked her husband to take our picture together.  On my hard days as a doctor that will be one of the moments I come back to.
I handed out the rest of the roses to volunteers at the walk, a lot of whom I work with at Women's hospital, and survivors who were conveniently wearing teal T-shirts to help identify them.  Everyone's faces lit up when they unexpectedly got a flower from a total stranger honouring them and honouring my grandma as our family's story touches a little closer to home for families affected by ovarian cancer.
It was a beautiful day inside our hearts and out in the beautiful autumn air.  I would have loved to have shared it with my grandma.  She would have laughed at the crazy antics of the kids and probably found herself most comfortable behind the food counters with my nursing friends.  How I wished I lived closer to my mom and my aunt who I'm sure would have loved being on our team to share the day with us.  I am so lucky to live in a family that was tended to so lovingly by my grandparents - all the beautiful things that we do spring from the love you taught us.

R.I.P. Prince

This week we lost an incredible musician and someone who's music has had a big impact on my life.

What I loved about Prince (and what a lot of people loved about him) is that he didn't seem to care what people thought.  He was 5'2'' and a lot of men would have been self conscious about that height but he seemed to transcend his physical form despite his physicality and his sexuality being such a big part of his musicality.

One of my favourite Ani diFranco songs is her duet with Prince called "Providence".  It was on endless repeat in University and even though Prince was such a huge star I always thought it was cool that he jammed with a folk artist on a song that you would only know he did if you were an Ani fan.

Providence - Ani and Prince

After University when I went to Malawi I was feeling a bit homesick and a bit visible as my 5'10'' blonde self and was in a local second-hand clothing store in Salima and found a raspberry-coloured beret.  Despite the 30+ degree heat I bought that beret and wore it around town (usually in slightly cooler weather) trying to channel my inner Prince-level personal strength.

Raspberry Beret - Prince

I can't imagine my high school or college years without "Kiss", "Cream" or "Gett Off".  His songs were so loved but often people didn't talk about their love for him or his music (maybe we all just assumed everyone loved him like the people on the train in the first video).  I appreciated his love of women and his unabashed love for feminine sexuality.  His songs were very sexual but in a way that celebrates women rather than reduces and objectifies them.  I appreciated how his collaboration and mentorship of other artists and if you haven't seen his influence check out the last video of Lenny Kravitz and Prince playing American Woman).

Kiss on the Train

Cream - Prince

When Doves Cry - Prince

Gett Off - Prince

1999 - Prince

American Woman - Lenny Kravitz and Prince

I wish we would have had him longer.  I wish I would have been able to see him live.  But mostly, I am so incredibly thankful that my formative years were shaped by his humble musical genius. Thank you Prince for helping me figure out who I am and for helping me find my courage.  I am one of the many people influenced by your brilliance.  Rest well.

The Plague

In March we had what has been referred to in our family as "the Plague".  Mine started on Emily's birthday and continued to worsen into the weekend.  I went to clinic so ill on Thursday that everyone (including my patients) looked at me with pity and the department head finally rescued me after her meetings.  I was febrile and rigoring in bed for 4 days.  That was worse than when I had malaria, Keith confirmed that as he was with me when I had malaria.  I had to give up my call shift on the labour floor that Sunday and answered colleagues questions from my home "hospital" bed.  Monday I went in to work to round on my patients and it was a slow and pitiful week of multiple medications to get through the day.  We left for our "vacation" on Thursday after clinic and when I got in the car to hit the road Cian didn't look right. By Brandon he looked downright sick and when we stopped in Regina he had a raging fever.  I had booked a hotel with a super fun waterpark and a room that overlooked it and he was so sick that he didn't fight me the next day when I said we couldn't go in the water.  He slept most of the way to Edmonton the next day after shivering at the breakfast table.  We got to Edmonton and quarantined ourselves at my parents.  Thank goodness the Easter bunny still came and the kids were able to enjoy the hunt for their baskets following the footprints that mommy and Uncle Brandon used to follow when they were younger too.  The adults even got to join in the fun with Opa's silly riddles to find their baskets.

After Cian it was Emily's turn.  She fell asleep on Omi and then on Mommy - something completely unheard of in her young years.  She was still sick on our way to Banff and the night before my talk at the conference I turned around to look at her and she was COVERED in blood.  She had coughed and sneezed so hard and that combined with the change in climate gave her a nosebleed.  I had to wake her up, call my mom to help, put her in the shower and call housekeeping to change the towels and sheets.  It was a major doctor mom disaster on both the doctor and mom fronts as I sort of freaked out about this little person that looked like "Carrie" asleep in the bed.

Outside of a couple short visits with people we basically stayed sick at my parents' place.  My poor parents who were about to go on their 40th anniversary trip and desperately tried to stay healthy while caring for us.  My ONLY visit outside of family was to see Devin and I was in the pub about an hour before I said I needed to lie down.  Thank goodness his apartment was close and he could bring me drugs, water, pillows and cold cloths and that way we could continue our chat.

I was sick for 2.5 (almost 3) weeks and the kids were only sick for a few days a piece and it was a big wake-up call for how fragile our health can be.  We are lucky to live in a place where we can safely recover from illness, where we have access to quality medical care if needed and loving people who will care for us when we aren't feeling well.  I am so tremendously grateful that we are all feeling better and that Keith (our Florence Nightingale) escaped it. I am also so thankful for the reminder about such important things that are easily taken for granted.